i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
