i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
