I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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