come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
