I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
