The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
