is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
