We're like a lot better than the average bears
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
