Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Help. Why am I so naked?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
