Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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