The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
