and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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