watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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