i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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