Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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