You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
