im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
