i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Randomize