First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
