i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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