Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
