69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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