You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize