did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
