Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
