she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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