We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
