i just had sex bonerless
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
