It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
