Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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