Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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