We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
