For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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