were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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