I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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