I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
