It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
