I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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