oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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