Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
