i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
