I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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