When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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