Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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