sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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