You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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