I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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