She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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