He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
