Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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