I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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