Already got asked if we're dating
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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