Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize