Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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