I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm getting married
To pizza
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