i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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