I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We don't watch enough power rangers
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
