k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
