You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
