so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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