I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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