I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
