Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I AM VODKA MAN
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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