He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
