oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
