I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It's no shave November. This is our time.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
