There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
