Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
