thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
