the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
