I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Randomize