I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Randomize
