I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize