took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
