he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
