hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
