paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
