Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
