if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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