I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
