my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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