theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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