I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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