i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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