I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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